Mar 8, 2023 3 min read

"we're here to have a bad time" (CPAC 2023)

I just got back from the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), which took place from March 1-4 in National Harbor, Maryland. These events are supposed to be one of the largest gatherings of conservative activists from throughout the United States and abroad.

But, boy, this year it didn't feel like it. That's why I stole this line from something Trent Reznor said during the 2013 Lowlands Festival for the title.

Instead, what took place is a Trump rally that felt pushed to its limits. The merchandise tables featured, almost exclusively, Trump paraphernalia. There was Trump art. I found a few DeSantis hats, but they were vastly outnumbered by pro-Trump ones.

Proof that you could, in theory, buy a DeSantis hat.

Attendees wore shirts bearing slogans like "Extreme Ultra MAGA." You could buy "Trump Girl" hats. (I didn't.) There wasn't a lot of diversity in terms of visible support for other Republican candidates. Then again, there wasn't a lot of energy one way or another either.

The explanation for why it felt so dead is complicated, by which I mean: I don't have one. Several prominent Republicans — including former Vice President Mike Pence, House Speaker Kevin McCarthy, and Gov. Ron DeSantis — declined to attend. Meanwhile, Matt Schlapp, CPAC's organizer, faces allegations that he sexually assaulted a male staffer on Herschel Walker's Senate campaign. (Schlapp denies the allegations, and he hasn't been charged.)

Some prominent sponsors, such as Fox News' streaming service, didn't back the 2023 event. The exhibition floor, meanwhile, was devoid of some of the biggest names in conservative "alt-tech."

The Right Stuff, a Peter Thiel-backed dating app, set up a booth in the exhibition hall. I think I walked by at the wrong time.

My colleague Creede Newton did find a convicted sex offender manning a booth in the exhibition hall. He was selling books on so-called "cultural Marxism."

Instead of Pence or other prominent Republican leaders, there was Marjorie Taylor Greene, Jack Posobiec, and... Steve Bannon. (What fucking year is it?) The anti-trans and anti-LGBTQ rhetoric in particular, as HuffPost reported, was alarming, to say the very least.

A handful of white nationalists showed up, too. Racist livestreamer Nick Fuentes held a rally across the street from CPAC on Saturday, but unlike the past couple of years, he didn't hold his annual America First Political Action conference.

But mostly it was a lot of empty chairs. I took a lot of photos of these empty chairs. Honestly, taking photos of chairs was the most fun I had all weekend.

Ecce, erm, chairs: